We’ve all had a journey right, many of us with past hurts which have formed us, which play out in our current lives, in our emotions & actions, but CAN WE let that go & become newer happier wholesome versions of ourselves?
Do you feel something is missing inside? Do you have limiting beliefs? Do you experience melancholy? Depression? Anxiety? Self hatred? Low self esteem? Low confidence? PTSD? Do you know your past is holding you back or causing you dis-ease? You have hidden trauma you have not dealt with? Are you ill?
Are you wanting more and don’t know why you can’t achieve it!?? Get a cup of tea, and join me on the journey of how I got to where I am today……
I am now able to share my journey, as a result of the amazing modality of Theta Healing. My healing journey started in 2001 when I found yoga and meditation, they both helped me develop a new awareness with my inner anger and emotions. But, it wasn’t until I found Theta Healing in 2018 that my life significantly started changing, now having peeled back layers of trauma, regret, resentments and rejections and much more.
I have learnt that my life struggles have made me the person I am today. They have enabled me to want to ‘heal’ and want to help others heal. My life with all the difficult experiences are my strength. For the first time ever I am proud of who I am. By being me and sharing my story I trust it will help you realise your life can be better, if you want change (no matter how small or how big).
Childhood brought the usual insecurities with a break up between my parents (I went to stay in a women’s refuge with my Mum aged 5, being separated from my dad), my secure life no more! The bubble of life with happiness up until age 4 bursting. This so destroyed & changed me, and the early experiences with the break up imprinted on my life! My childhood had emotional issues, rejection, abandonment, worthlessness, shame, much of this resulted in chronic bed wetting for many years until teenage hood. The childhood experiences which affected me I won’t go into due to love & respect for those concerned. As a fellow parent I know and understand we do the best we can with the tools we have. Compassion for all parties, including myself is all I feel now (testament to my healing).
I started stealing in my pram. The habit of stealing carried on until my early 30’s, but this changed when I had a big realisation during my first yoga teacher training course. When you steal, no only do you flick mud on your own soul, if you are a mother, your child instinctively knows you steal and they will follow suit. That knowing & understanding was the moment my whole energy changed. Being a mum I knew I needed to change and rapidly before my children went down a similar path to me. They were already showing signs of being ‘light fingered’. I am happy to say I nipped that in the bud and turned around this bad karmic behaviour, for mine and my children’s sake.
During primary & secondary school I had some sexual exploitation experiences which left me feeling unsafe & unprotected. The worst experience was a now-known peadophile inviting me to sleep at his house, he drugged me, and sexually abused me. Ok, so I am eternally grateful I was ‘put to sleep’, it could have been much worse, although I do have some disturbing memories, I blacked out thankfully. My subconscious mind and higher self knows what he did and I carried that for years, feeling an inner ‘dirty’ shame.
By time I got to 14 I was drinking, getting out my head on alcohol and cannabis, seeking out friends who were also on self destruct journey’s. Like attracts like huh! I am not proud to say I was a bully and a few people were at the brunt of my anger issues! Some I have managed to apologise to over the years, who have accepted that deep felt apology. I was also bullied during early years at secondary school before my anger kicked in, and I fought back. By the time I was 15 I had found LSD and speed. By 16 I was taking ecstasy. By 19 cocaine. I wouldn’t say I was drug dependant or a drug addict, but I was definitely addicted to the numbing of my senses and emotions.
Throughout my early teens I was being followed by store detectives, by late teens was stealing to earn money, being arrested for assault as well as theft. One angry young girl living a petty crime life of stealing, drinking, getting high, basically out of control. By 17 I was in prison on remand. To be frankly honest it was not something I took seriously, was smoking cannabis in jail, getting high on sleepers they gave me at night, playing cards and thinking I was pretty hard. Looking back at that time, it seems like a different world I was living in, compared to who I am now. Sadly, I didn’t learn anything, and a year later I was back in prison after escalating my crimes and self destruct journey.
Things got more serious for me on my second stint in jail. This time being sentenced to 5 months and not being released until after my 19th birthday. Yes, my 19th birthday in prison is one I will never forget! Looking back on the whole experience it feels so fresh in my mind, the anger and hurt, all the emotions I was experiencing being left in a cell without any distraction but my own mind. Still self medicating with cannabis and anti depressant drugs, my mood swings were out of control which resulted in violence towards staff & other inmates. Once I realised I had reflection time which could be put to good use, I started writing diaries to release much of my inner anger, writing poetry and allowing myself to explore my inner hurts.
Thankfully I had a lifeline in the name of a dear friend who saved me from coming out to the same life, same people. She gave me somewhere to live, new ‘good girls’ to hang out with. My family could no longer cope with me, and she was an angel sent to me from the universe (we are still friends today). From that point I tried to rebuild and surround myself with ‘better’ people. I had a self sabotage streak so staying away from others similar to me was crucial for my growth, turning a new leaf, bettering my life.
With prison behind me, I soon met a ‘nice’ boy and fell in-love aged 19. I had my first relationship for 3 years. Another falling in-love aged 22, another lovely stable relationship for 7 years. All this time I was still taking ‘party’ drugs and smoking cannabis habitually, numbing myself, which many of us do when we have underlying emotional ‘pain’. Was still stealing. But falling in-love and have another person love me, for me, had given me some feelings of self-worth. Things were changing.
Finding a career in my early 20’s, taking exams, proving I was worth something and could do a good job was amazing for my self confidence. Winging it to a certain degree, fibbing about my school exam results (giving myself ‘c’ grades), which you could do in those days! Still fibbing, still stealing, still taking drugs, but improvements were happening!
Saving hard with my then boyfriend in my mid twenties, we went travelling for 2 years, and I found yoga & meditation on a beach in Thailand. This gave me a new ‘natural high’, a deep sense of calm I had never felt before. I had a ‘reiki’ session given by a fellow traveller which blew my mind. Some spiritualism inside was stirring!
Once home from travelling I started learning how to meditate aged 27. This was a big turning point for me, self reflection, having acceptance for my journey, taking responsibility for my actions. I didn’t like some parts of my personality, but I knew this was the start of becoming a better person so I stuck with it. My past made me who I was, but my future could be rewritten, I felt inner changes happening. A new conscious awareness. The meditation carried on, as did my yoga practise. I had found something I could be hooked on which was positive and life enhancing.
My next & current relationship took me to Australia aged 30, where life took a change in a new direction. Motherhood. Marriage. Yoga teacher. Spiritual development. The ceasing of drugs & taking them to numb my senses. Australia was a wonderful new start for me, a place to be anonymous and develop myself into someone improved, without judgement of who I was before. My potential could flourish.
Then, after my second child, my world came crashing down with illness. An auto-immune condition which has plagued my life for a decade from the age of 33. I began to realise in my 45th year that the illness was created by me, my emotions, beliefs, stored trauma, my past life experiences. My stress response and lifestyle was the trigger to bring this into my physical body, but something deeper had been the manifestation.
I decided to accelerate my personal growth. I had an underlying ‘unhappiness’ which I had been unable to shift even though I had everything, yoga & meditation practise, healthy children, supportive husband, lovely place to live, enough money, work I love. After having a specifically bad winter of joint pains in 2018, I found some practises to help me cope with the ill health: winter sea swimming, yoga nidra, theta meditation. Loving the latter I thought I would go a little deeper into the energy healing modality of Theta, which is a meditation technique accessing the subconscious mind. I needed to live a life without anxiety, hidden depression, physical pains!
Embarking on Theta Healing trainings in 2019, becoming a Theta Healing Practitioner had me delving into my own layers, peeling them off with a potato peeler, literally! Just like becoming a psychotherapist, or a good counsellor, one must first do the work of healing themselves. I have faced all my own conditionings and come out the other side. With all the shifts I have gone through during 2019, I have had my first Autumn/Winter/Christmas pain-free for 5 years!
We are layers and stuff will still come up, triggers, we have a lifetime of growth, right? Drama’s in my life will still happen, but I know how to shift much quicker and I no longer hold on to drama & negativity. Acceptance is an amazing virtue to have.
When you Accept what is, you Surrender, and by Surrendering you Let Go & Grow!
Through Theta Healing I have unlocked the old sexual trauma issues. I have opened the boxes of ‘shame’ from my younger years. I have resolved years of anger. I have freed feelings of conditional love and not being enough. I have shifted a corrupted idea of what loving sex is, and what a loving relationship is. I have unblocked the root of the illness I have lived with for years. I have moved through many things, and had many more positive energies and feelings instilled in me to go forth happier and more fulfilled.
I feel lighter, and more whole than ever before. When we are ‘down’ we vibrate energetically at a lower frequency, so when we shift and feel more ‘up’ through the process of shifting our ‘issues’, we raise our energetic frequency and we vibrate at a higher level, this equals happiness, wholeness, contentment, connection. Our energetic frequency will rise and dip depending on many factors, our choices, lifestyle, & this will impact throughout our life, our day, our week, but when you have shifted all the deep stuff which isn’t serving your life, you will have a different perspective therefore will make difference choices. You also become more consciously aware, which means you can shift your vibration much easier. Everything is a choice. We have emotions, but it is our choice on what we do, how we deal with, how we change, process, and so forth.
You deserve to be living your best life, to receive love, to give love, to know your worth, to have self esteem, confidence, to be able to deal with your emotions in a healthy way, to be able to manifest whatever you desire your life to be. Do you want that?? Take ACTION, become a better version of yourself, shift the layers which hold you back. The impossible is possible!!
I am here for YOU!